I've been thinking of writing, hence, the lack of writing in this blog. Thinking of writing is not exactly writing, yes. To my defense, I've been in the process of asserting my voice. Sure, I have a voice if I write something, or if I say something, or even if I sing something (I just watched Pitch Perfect for movie date night *cough-no-plot!* ahem). But there is more to asserting my voice than just talking or writing. For me it is a matter of the heart, and yes this is going in the direction of deep, so if deep is not your thing stop reading and wait for the next post-- whenever that's going to be!
I think what I mean by asserting my voice is learning to speak from my heart, being true to who I am when I speak, being authentic. And personally that starts with my audible voice. For those of you who know me, you know that I'm generally a quiet guy. Is it because of my personality? I used to think it was, but now I'm not so sure. A key thing I've noticed about myself is my reluctance to speak from my heart. Sometimes when my heart has something to say, I could often times apply the masking tape to my lips and block the heart from making a peep. Why do I do this? I could point to a number of things, but I think the significant one is fear. It's the fear of being vulnerable and the possible pain or ridicule I could experience in this vulnerablity-- to a point where I would become shattered.
Becoming aware of these things has been a start for me in asserting my voice. I'm a bit more sensitive to what happens to my body when my heart wants to speak, and those signs signal me to speak audibly. When I speak from the heart, there's not much thought of what I think people want to hear, but more of just allowing my voice to be heard. In one of my favorite movies, The King's Speech, the protagonist/the King shouted out one of my favorite lines in the movie, "Because I have a voice!" I feel as if that emphatic declaration has been echoing through my veins. It's time for me to just speak.
And all of this, including the timing of it makes a sort of sense that is pretty mind-blowing for me at this point. However, I'm not ready to write all about it here just yet. There is so much for me to say and process... But for now we'll go one spoon at a time ;)
